Sexy Lingerie: Whose Object of Appreciation?
The other day, I listened to a podcast featuring a girl. She said that when she was single, she bought three sets of beautiful, sexy lingerie but never got the chance to wear them. Because it seems that sexy lingerie is always meant to be worn for someone else.
The podcast host doesn’t consider herself to be “sexy” at all, and her daily outfits have nothing to do with showing off her curves. However, one late night, she suddenly remembered the three sets of sexy lingerie. It was 4 am, and she was alone. She got up, curled her hair, and tried on the lingerie one by one in front of the mirror.
What did she see? She didn’t describe the sexy black lingerie or the sexy lace lingerie in detail, but she said she felt happy when she saw herself in the mirror. She touched herself – whether it was desire, fantasy, or expectation – and she truly accepted herself. For the first time, she felt proud if someone praised her as a sexy woman wearing sexy lingerie.
Female Identity: Who Are We?
In many discussions about women, we often hear: don’t obey social gender norms, don’t sacrifice yourself for marriage, don’t be forced to serve in the military, be yourself.
These views are certainly correct. But what does “yourself” actually look like?
The early goal of feminism was to prove that women are “the same” as men. So women fought for the right to vote, entered male-dominated social positions, and even cut their hair short and wore work clothes to move closer to the male image.
However, feminists later realized that if they kept emphasizing that they were “the same as men,” they would fall into the trap of the male perspective. Women not only want equality, they also want to think – what is it to be a woman?
Must a Woman Be Sexy?
When we say, “sexiness is a choice,” it sounds like a marketing ad for a sexy lingerie video, as if women are only buying sexy red lingerie or sexy uniforms to please men.
But is a woman’s sensuality only defined by her ability to please others?
The philosopher Julia Kristeva once said:
“Woman cannot be surpassed or defined. It exists beyond naming and ideology.”
In other words, a woman’s existence does not need to be defined by a fixed label.
The Choice of Sensuality: To Control or Be Controlled?
When a woman faces her identity and truly accepts her body, she is sensual.
A woman who wears sexy teddy lingerie or sexy wedding lingerie is not just trying to please others but also identifying with her femininity, emotions, imagination, and vitality. She is exploring herself when she gazes at herself in the mirror and feels the touch of the sexy lace lingerie against her skin.
Christian Jantzen of Aalborg University interviewed 22 women about their experiences posing in sexy lingerie.
One 24-year-old interviewee said:
“These clothes seem to have a magical power. When I wear them, I break free from all my social identities – career woman, wife, mother – and I am just a pure woman.”
Foucault believed that the self can be produced through external tools. Sexy lingerie may be just one way for women to experience the self. It is a piece of clothing and a medium that helps women rediscover themselves.
Therefore, we cannot simply regard the woman in the sexy lingerie picture as an object “under control.” The one who has control is herself.
When Women Control Sexiness…
Even though I have written so much, it still cannot change the fact that most people still regard sexy lingerie as a symbol of women being “under control.”
After all, sexy lingerie is often worn during intimate moments, and it seems impossible to escape the impression of “pleasing men.”
But let’s not forget that lingerie is, first and foremost, underwear.
When a woman takes off her business suit, sportswear, or baggy loungewear, she is wearing sexy white lingerie that wraps her body, and her partner is lucky to witness this beautiful moment.
When a woman is truly confident and self-assured, she wears sexy lingerie as a gift, not to cater to but to show love, passion, and self-acceptance.
In such moments, she is not being controlled but is in control of herself.